.png)
Gratitude Has a Calendar Problem: Turn a Season of Thanks into a Way of Leading
Thanksgiving is hands-down my favorite time of year. Certainly, I love hosting, making good food for everyone to enjoy, and time with loved ones. But what I love most is the time to pause and focus on gratitude.
Every Thanksgiving season, we give ourselves permission to pause...to look around at the people in our lives and recognize what they mean to us...to say things we might feel all year but don’t always take the time to express. I love that we have a holiday that encourages us to do that.
But what happens after that. When your inbox fills up again, the next deadline takes over, and those people we’re so grateful for are still there, doing what they do. Does our gratitude change anything about how we show up for them?
Here’s a question I’ve been sitting with: If someone looked at my calendar, would they be able to tell what—and who—I’m grateful for?
What are You Really Saying Thank You for?
I’ve caught myself wrapping up a conversation or project with something like, “Thank you for everything. I really appreciate you.” And I mean it. Every word.
But what about all the things I left unsaid.
Did I tell them that their willingness to ask a difficult question helped us avoid a problem? That their calm approach made a stressful week feel manageable? That the way they encouraged someone else gave that person the confidence to contribute (or continue to contribute)?
Or did I assume they understood all of that from a quick “thanks for everything” or "thank you" response I tossed their way?
There’s a big difference between knowing someone appreciates you and understanding why. Think about a thank-you that has stayed with you. My guess is that it helped you see something about your contribution. Someone noticed the effort, the thought, or the care behind what you did—and took the time to tell you what it meant.
“You did a great job” feels good, but “the way you brought those different perspectives into the conversation helped us reach a better decision” gives us something more. It helps us recognize a strength. It shows us that our choices made a difference. When we share the why behind our gratitude, we help people see their own impact.
Who Have You Stopped Noticing?
Let's be honest, we are all moving quickly and are expected to do more with less. When we're hustling, it’s easy to notice the big win, the impressive presentation, or the person who steps in during a crisis. But it is much harder to notice the person whose work keeps the crisis from happening. The colleague who patiently brings a new employee up to speed. The team member who asks the uncomfortable question that makes the plan stronger. The steady contributor whose name rarely comes up because everything they touch seems to run smoothly.
Who makes your work better in ways you’ve come to expect? And have you started treating their contribution as a given?
Those questions aren’t meant to create guilt. They are an invitation to pay attention. Because once we notice what someone contributes, we have an opportunity to tell them—and let that awareness shape how we lead.
Give Gratitude Somewhere to Go
This is where the calendar comes in.
We make time for project updates, planning meetings, and conversations about what needs to improve. How often do we make room to tell people what’s working and why their contribution matters?
It doesn’t have to become another meeting. It might mean leaving a few minutes in a one-on-one to acknowledge something specific. Following up after a project to explain how someone’s effort affected the outcome. Checking back weeks later to say, “We’re still benefiting from the work you did on that.”
Appreciation can keep pace with someone’s contribution. We don’t have to assume that because we thanked them once, they know we still notice. And our gratitude can shape what we do next.
If we’re grateful for someone’s perspective, we can invite them into the conversation early enough to influence the decision.
If we appreciate the person everyone relies on, we can check on their capacity before handing them one more thing.
If we value someone’s potential, we can make time to support their development.
Those choices give our words substance. They show people that we understand the value they bring and are willing to invest in them, too.
Beyond November
As you look at the week ahead, think of one person whose contribution you may have come to expect. What do they make possible? Why does it matter? Have you actually told them that? Then give that gratitude a place in your week.
Make the call. Write the note. Use part of your next conversation to share something specific you’ve noticed. Consider what action would reinforce your words. We have an opportunity to carry the spirit of this season into an ordinary Tuesday in February, a hectic week in June, or the quiet moment after someone has once again done something we’ve come to count on.
That’s part of the ripple effect of leadership. When we help people see why their contribution matters, we give them something they can carry into their next conversation, challenge, or opportunity.
Who needs to hear why you’re grateful for them—and when will you tell them?
Tami Chapek is the Founder and CEO of WeInspireWe, a leadership development and executive coaching firm grounded in the belief that everyone is a leader. With more than 25 years of corporate leadership experience, Tami helps individuals and teams embrace their authentic strengths, challenge unwritten rules, and create a positive ripple effect. She is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and the author of Leadership reDEFYned: Defy the Ordinary to Unleash Your Potential. Learn more or schedule a strategy session today.
Comments