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We Can’t Lead Others if We Are Lost to Ourselves
- Emmy Beeson
- Aug 4
- 3 min read
Authentic leadership requires ongoing internal reflection and alignment. The most effective leaders calibrate not just to their context—but to themselves.
When we engage in sport or a fitness routine, we are often working hard to build muscle memory. We want the motion to become automated, second nature. This happens through our intentional repetition over time. However, in our work and personal lives we also build “muscle memory” in our leadership, communication style, decision making, etc. and unfortunately that “muscle memory” is often due to our repetition but not to our intentionality. Many leaders today are operating on autopilot—disconnected from their values, exhausted by external expectations, and unsure of their internal compass.
A concept that has long been an anchor in my leadership and one that I am finding more and more relevant today as I support other leaders is found in the book The Practice of Adaptive Leadership by Heifetz, Grashow, and Linsky.
“The practice of leadership, like the practice of medicine, involves two core processes: diagnosis first and then action. And those two processes unfold in two dimensions: toward the organizational or social systems you are operating in and toward yourself. That is, you diagnose what is happening in your organization or community and take action to address the problems you have identified. But to lead effectively, you also have to examine and take action toward yourself in the context of the challenge. In the midst of action, you have to be able to reflect on your own attitudes and behavior to better calibrate your interventions into the complex dynamics of organizations and communities. You need perspective on yourself as well as on the systemic context in which you operate.”
Leadership isn’t just about diagnosing what’s wrong in a system. It’s also about turning inward—examining your own mindset, assumptions, and behaviors.
We live in a context in which leaders are overwhelmed with complexity - policy shifts, staffing challenges, budget constraints, cultural change, performance issues, and team management just to name a few. In that storm, it is easy to default to our muscle memory, whether or not those are the muscles we should be flexing in that moment. When pressure is high, we lean into what comes naturally and this often leaves us with surface level fixes or reactive decisions. Without personal clarity—without knowing who we are and how we are showing up, we risk reinforcing the very dynamics we are trying to change.
The most grounded leaders know that effective leadership starts not with action, but with reflection. Before we can lead others through complexity, we have to pause long enough to ask: What part of this challenge is mine? Where am I aligned—or misaligned—with my values right now?
This kind of internal diagnosis isn’t self-indulgent. It’s a form of accountability. When we skip this step, we risk leading from habit or fear rather than from clarity and conviction. Our behaviors drift, our tone shifts, and we may not even notice how misaligned we’ve become. But when we lead from a place of self-awareness, we become steadier—even in uncertainty. We can adapt without losing ourselves.
One powerful tool we use in our coaching work is what we call the “Leadership Mirror.” It’s a simple but brave practice:
Are my actions matching my intentions?
Am I leading from purpose—or pressure?
Am I showing up with the same values in conflict as I do in calm?
This inner work helps leaders calibrate not just what they do, but how they do it—and it’s often the difference between performative leadership and authentic impact.
As leaders, we do not need to have all of the answers. But to gain the trust of others, facilitate high performing teams, and inspire change and growth, we do need to know who we are. We can not lead others if we are lost to ourselves and let’s be honest at the pace in which we run, it is often hard to know whether we are coming or going, let alone if we are being authentic. Authentic leadership begins not with action, but with alignment.
Challenge yourself to set consistent reflection time. Practice the “Leadership Mirror” by pausing to ask yourself alignment questions. Know that when you invest in your own clarity, your team reaps the benefits.
If continuing to explore this topic is meaningful to you right now, check out download Discovering your Path to Clarity and book a session with Emmy Beeson, the Change Coach.
Emmy Beeson, The Change Coach, has dedicated her life to educating and serving others, knowing that by growing within, we can grow others in even more significant ways. Emmy knows that by asking key questions, one can open up and discover a whole new way of approaching the world. If you're ready to look within, schedule a free strategy session with Emmy today.
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